Never Worry About Ever Hitting Bottom Again

Liberal Utopia is just a short time away.

The peoples’ workers will never be stripped of their official party positions by fat businessmen in white shirts. Not even a government astronaut that uses the port window of a shuttle to moon the global village on a fly-by can be fired or deprived of their natural right to free… whatever… (and the most equal among us can even cut in line at the local hospital forever).

Now that our latest state program is in place outsourcing to China — the sewing of US flags on the bottoms of old trousers — we never need worry about ever hitting bottom again. We all are perfectly free to secretly enjoy singing anti-American, pro-capitalist folk songs at the local yerba maté bar where young people secretly gather in dark basements to watch old 50’s TV shows.

Speaking of… Yerba maté sales certainly have increased of late after the Party raised coffee taxes again to help pay for more global warming research and soaring health care costs.

President Fidel promised that despite rising coffee prices at the government food bank, yerba maté prices will stabilize, if the lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise.

Government economists have given their assurances that overall, it is very likely that inflation is nearly certain to be very much under control for the foreseeable future. They pointed out that, for example, the removal of underarm skin-tags at the local hospital costs less than a pack of cigarettes, or about $42,000.

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About Wagathon

Hot World Syndrome—fear of a hotter, more intimidating world than it actually is prompting a desire for more protection than is warranted by any actual threat. https://twitter.com/Wagathon
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