Cherry Blossom Time — a Picture in Al Gore’s Bathroom Befuddles Global Warmers

Washington blossoms

What happens when Al Gore hears that cherry blossoms in Washington will be a bit late this year? Someone put a cone on his neck before he chews a leg off.

Oh how the Left crapped itself silly last year when the cherry trees bloomed a week early in Washington. A March 17, 2012 headline, for example asked breathlessly: Could cherry blossoms one day be blooming in winter?

Why did this happen way back then–i.e., last year? Obviously the cause was… the debil: satan was making global warming out of evil capitalism and by leaving too many incandescent light bulbs on, stoking the hatred of Leftists and heating the globe with the intensity of a thousand suns.

Well, this year Washington’s cherry trees have yet to bloom. Late bloomers everywhere must be congratulating the Left for killing the economy and saving us. We’ve all been saved because the cherry trees have yet to bloom.

Last year Smithsonian scientists where so Johnny-on-the-spot. Notice of the arrival of Washington’s famous cherry blossoms a week early — “On average, flowering plants are blossoming 4.5 days earlier in 2000 than in 1970” — was virtually pregnant with the suggestion that, “the trend toward earlier blooming of flowering plants may be a result of global warming.”

The nation’s National Museum went so far as to release the results of a, “30-year study of flowering plant species common in the Washington, D.C. metro area.” and ruminate like fat cows chewing their cud about the apparent fact that, “This trend of earlier flowering is consistent with what we know about the effects of global warming.” We are treated to such scholarly observations like, “The minimum temperature has been going up over these years and the early arrival of the cherry blossoms appears to be one of the results.”

I can fairly hear skeptics now — sounding like Edwin M. Stanton, totally losing it with Abraham Lincoln: “Dear God, not another story,” he cries out, “I can’t bear to hear another story,” as scientists herald that–e.g., “Global Warming Found to be a Major Factor in Washington’s Early Blossoming Flowers.” I can almost hear the great man Lincoln himself sojourning on trying to put a damper on the hysterics by telling a story about the portrait in Al Gore’s bathroom saying –e.g., “Nothing makes the Left shit like the thought of George Washington not wanting to lie about chopping down dad’s cherry tree.”

The evidence of government scientists aside, a 2008 study by Aono and Kazui, of the full-bloom date of cherry tree blossoms from the 9th Century in Kyoto, Japan, was far less alarming: They noted several cold periods, 1220–1350, 1520–1550, 1670–1700, and 1825–1830. However, the temperature began to increase almost linearly after 1830. The Japanese study also discovered, “the existence of a widespread ‘Medieval Warm Period’ around the year 1000, as well as the LIA [Little Ice Age].”

Late Cherry BloomingHere’s what we know: government scientists were very afraid last year. Cherry blossoms bloomed early. These scientists studied the matter and their findings were so alarming they couldn’t wait to warn us all that, “the species composition of our local flora could change. Species like the sugar maple that require a long cold period may die out in our region. Invasive alien species, especially from more southern climes, may become more and more of a problem. Weedy species like false-strawberry that can bloom throughout relatively mild winters could spread. If these trends continue, persons with allergy problems will experience them earlier because some of the first plants to bloom are wind-pollinated trees, such as the American elm and common alder.”

But, we also have three additional pieces of information: (1) There was a, widespread Medieval Warm Period around the year 1000, and sugar maple trees are still here; (2) this year the cherry trees are blossoming late not early;* and (3), the global warming fearmongering and alarmism that happens in Washington should stay in Washington.

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* With the exception of 4 cherry trees that were cut down December 1941 in apparent retaliation by unknown jacks against the attack on Pearl Harbor, Washington D.C.’s storied blossoms are the product of a gift from Japan in 1912 of 3,020 cherry trees–i.e., twelve varieties comprised of as follows: Somei-Yoshino, 1,800; Ari ake, 100; Fugen-zo, 120; Fuku-roku-ju, 50; Gyo-i-ko, 20 (planted on the grounds of the White House); Ichiyo, 160; Jo­nioi, 80; Kwan-zan, 350; Mikuruma­gayeshi, 20; Shira-yuki, 130; Surugadai­nioi, 50; and, Taki­nioi, 140. (See, History of the Cherry Trees, http://www.nps.gov/cherry/cherry-blossom-history.htm)
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About Wagathon

Hot World Syndrome—fear of a hotter, more intimidating world than it actually is prompting a desire for more protection than is warranted by any actual threat. A Chance Meeting– We toured south along the Bicentennial Bike Trail in the Summer of 1980, working up appetites covering ~70 miles per day and staying at hiker/biker campgrounds at night along the Oregon/California coast (they were 50¢ a day at that time). The day's ride over, and after setting up tents, hitting the showers, and making a run to a close-by store, it was time to relax. The third in our little bicycle tour group, Tom, was about 30 yards away conversing with another knot of riders and treating himself to an entire cheesecake for dinner. He probably figured Jim and I would joke about what a pig he was eating that whole pie and decided to eat among strangers. Three hours later after sharing stories and remarking on a few coincidences that turned up here and there, Tom and one of the former strangers realized they were cousins, meeting in this most unlikely place for the first time. ~Mac
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